Here ​the Whole Time 9 csillagozás

‘No one can protect us but ourselves,’ she says, as if reading my thoughts. ‘But, look, Felipe, I swear to you that one day things will get better. One day you’ll learn to like who you are a little better, and that’ll be reflected in what other people see when they look at you. There will always be assholes, but we learn to fight back. That’s the most important thing – to not put your head down, to fight for the right to marry who you love, for the right to have your body respected regardless of what it looks like or what you’re wearing. To fight for the right to walk down the street without being attacked for the color of your skin.’

Day 9

‘I’m sorry to wake you up like this.’
‘It’s all right,’ I lie, because I can’t get mad at him.
‘I just had to talk to someone about it, and that someone had to be you, of course. I’m too excited! There was no way I could wait until tomorrow.’
‘What?’ I ask, feeling a streak of drool running down the corner of my mouth. I try to casually wipe it off on my collar.
‘He’s back!’
Your desire to snuggle with me all night? I think.
‘Gandalf!’ Caio explains. ‘He’s back! I knew he was too important to die in the first book. But, you know, I was over it. And then he suddenly appears, back from the dead!’
That’s when I start laughing.
Because it’s so funny to see Caio genuinely excited about information that has been publicly available since 1954.

Day 10

The sound of laughter can make you feel hopeless when the joke is on you.

I guess I’ve always been so busy trying to avoid being unhappy that I never found a way to be happy.

Therapy isn’t like cold medicine, where you take one pill and then feel better the next day. I remember the first time I met Olivia, thinking she was going to give me all the secrets to a happy life and I’d walk out of our session magically thin and hot. That’s not how it works; it’s a long journey. But trust me, this story would be twice as dramatic and three times more self-deprecating if it weren’t for my therapist.

It’s a fantasy novel about a girl who was raised like any other person until, on her seventeenth birthday, she discovers she has special powers and a mysterious past. Now shit’s hitting the fan all throughout the kingdom, and everyone’s future lies in the hands of this girl who doesn’t know how to control her powers and doesn’t even try to learn how to. Have you ever read a book like this? Because I’ve read about fifteen.

It scares me, because this whole time I’ve had a crush on Caio the way one has a crush on a Hollywood celebrity. But now I can see him up close. I’ve heard him cry. Heard him laugh. We drank together. We slept in the same bed together. And I’ve never done that with any celebrities. Caio is real. And maybe I’m, I don’t know, in love? I mean, really in love. Like ‘I want to kiss you right now but also every day’ in love.
How can people be sure that they’re in love, though? Is there a test?

Day 11

When I get to the hallway, I see some girls saying goodbye to each other and (believe it or not) crying. As if winter break didn’t last only twenty-two days. As if we didn’t live in a small town where all you have to do is poke your head out a window to see half the school right there on the sidewalk. As if the internet didn’t exist.

I stare at the phone screen like a goof, not knowing what to say. Which is nothing new. I’m afraid I’ll seem too needy, or too clingy, or too dramatic. Just to be sure, I send a reply that makes me sound like all three

Day 15

I like the pool. For a long time, I pretended I didn’t, because I was ashamed of my body. But tonight, floating next to Caio and looking up at the moon above us, I understand what makes me happy when I’m in the water. When I’m here, I feel weightless.

Day 15