Tyler Branson személy
„Fucker! I bruise easily! What would Claire say if I told her you were abusing me?” Tyler questions as he rubs the spot on his arm where my fist connected.
„Shut up about my mother.”
„No can do. She's going to be mine one day. You should just start calling me dad now,” he says nonchalantly.
Chapter 1 - The List
“Hey, number five on the list is totally gonna happen right now!” Tyler says, clapping his hands together in glee.
“I’m not showing her my penis!” I whisper.
“Oh I’m pretty sure your penis has other ideas. He’s like an angry armadillo trying to claw his way out of a bunker right now.”
Chapter 6 - Show her your penis
“Hey, it happens to the best of us. I once came in my pants when I was thirteen and Christy Collins made me play with her My Little Ponies.”
I laugh and glance Tyler’s way as I wait for a red light to change. “Was Christy Collins THAT hot when she was thirteen?”
Tyler shakes his head and pulls his cell phone out of his back pocket. “It had nothing to do with her. Have you ever played with My Little Ponies? They have such silky smooth hair and cute little butts. Twilight Sparkle is my favorite.”
I can’t form words right now, even if my life depended on it.
“Dude, did you jerk off to a My Little Pony?” I ask in disgust.
“See? I knew you’d judge me. It’s not like that at all. It’s all about her personality,” Tyler argues.
Chapter 12 - Here's to you Mrs. Robinson...er Ellis
“Oh, you know, just keeping my options open. Hey, is that Liz? Hi, Liz!” I shout, looking through the glass doors next to Jim and waving at no one.
Jim doesn’t turn around; he just narrows his eyes at me.
“I swear to all that is holy, if I find out this has anything to do with Ava, I will shove my fist up your ass,” he threatens.
“Whoa, slow down there, Jim. I’m only on butt plugs. I’m not quite ready for fisting yet.”
Chapter 8 - Pinky Pleasure or Butt Tower
“This can’t be right,” I mutter, as I stare at the email from Cryobiology, Inc.
Gavin leans over and glances at the email I pulled up.
“His name is Dean O’Saur? That’s got to be a typo,” Gavin states.
I close out of the email and open it back up, hoping we both read something wrong.
“Dude, your dad is T-Rex. This may be the best news you’ve gotten all week!” Gavin says with a laugh.
Chapter 10 - I Like Mushrooms
“I’m really concerned that you just quoted Pretty Woman,” Gavin states with a shake of his head.
“Dude, that’s every guy’s dream. Get a hooker for the night and then keep her forever without having to pay by the hour.”
Gavin sets his bottle down and stares at me. “That is NO man’s dream.”
“You’re out of touch with reality, my friend. It’s every man’s dream, they just don’t like to talk about it,” I explain. “I’m breaking the silence! HOOKERS ARE PEOPLE TOO!”
Chapter 20 - Fisting - For the Win
Vigyázat! Felnőtt tartalom.
OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!” Tyler screams, covering his eyes. “I JUST SAW A GAY PENIS! MAKE IT GO AWAY, MAKE IT GO AWAY!”
Oh, that’s right. Rocco felt left out after Charlotte and I got naked.
Rocco laughs and leans against the doorframe. “Honey, my penis is the same as yours.”
With his hands still shielding his eyes, Tyler shakes his head frantically back and forth. “FALSE! My penis prefers the pink and yours likes the stink. Put that thing away!”
Chapter 21 - All the Feels
I know this isn't as awesome as another pair of fancy shoes, but I hope it will help explain things a little better. I want you to know everything about me – the good, the bad and the just plain fucking weird. I hope after you watch this, you'll understand me and where I'm coming from. I want to tell you that I adore you, but Gavin is looking over my shoulder and he told me that's too gay.So I'll just end this note by telling you that you amaze me and I'm so glad you let me see you naked.
Chapter 27 - Friendship is Magic