Chris Cannon

I took a deep breath and focused on happy things like my dogs, chocolate chip cookies, running the jerk down with my car and then backing over him again.

“If you’re happy, why did your brothers give me a graphic description of your father’s wood chipper?”
Her mouth dropped open, and then she laughed.
“You think that’s funny?”
“I do.” She reached for my other hand. “Sorry, I told them to leave you alone. My brothers must’ve heard about the incident with Boobzilla. I mean Brittney.”
Nathan held up his hand like he was in class. “Did you say, Boobzilla?”
Jane nodded. “It’s our pet name for Brittney.”
Nathan laughed. I ignored him and focused on Haley, pulling her a little closer. “Why didn’t you tell your brothers you weren’t mad at me?”
“Sorry, I didn’t think they’d resort to the wood chipper. Though it’s annoying, it is nice.”
“Nice?”
“I meant nice that my brothers look out for me, not that they threatened you.”
Her grin grew wider and then she laughed.
“What?”
“My dad said to tell you he has a backhoe that digs trenches ideal for hiding a body.”
“Your family is psychotic.”

I wanted to punch Nathan, hard…in the face…with a brick.

– I feel compelled to point out that the common denominator among all the recent chaos has been you.
– And you get to spend the rest of your life with me, – Bryn shot back. – You lucky duck.
– I can barely contain my joy.

– He’s fired, – her grandfather roared.
– You can’t fire him because the temp agency sent a bad guy in his place. Fire the temp agency, not the man who has a wife and child to support, – Bryn shouted.
– Don’t tell me how to handle my staff.
Her grandfather spoke through clenched teeth.
– They’re not just your staff. They’re people with lives and families. They matter. You can’t just move them around like they’re pieces on a chessboard.
The only sound in the room was the clock ticking on the wall. Everyone looked ready to duck and cover, even her grandmother.
– You are an ungrateful brat, – her grandfather said.
– You’re inconsiderate and narrowminded, – Bryn spat back.

[…]
– Who’s running naked across campus?
– Bryn is, – Clint responded with a serious face.
Zavien looked at her with raised eyebrows.
– What? I thought you’d be okay with it since it’s a political protest against the Directorate.
Clint and Ivy laughed.
– Funny. Very funny. – Zavien shook his head.

Haley Hoffman used my name to cover up her pre-promise-ring-fling with Bryce. Bryce went along with the lie to avoid a beating from Denny. I used the lie to trap Bryce into being my boyfriend and break the bubble of “protection” my brothers had created around me. He kissed me to annoy my brothers and land me in detention.
Best Monday ever.

Would dog fur even stick to Bryce’s clothes? He probably repelled dust and debris by sheer force of will.

Jaxon must have noticed her expression. – You wanted to go camping? – His tone conveyed disdain.
– I’d rather go camping than face a group of egomaniac control freaks who think they know what’s best for everyone.
Jaxon’s jaw dropped. – How can you say that?
– The trick is to open your mouth so the words come out clearly.
– Bryn. – Merrick turned back and shot her an exasperated look. – Stop baiting my nephew.
– If he promises to stop radiating disdain, I’ll stop baiting him.
– If both of you would stop channeling your inner fveyear-olds, – Merrick said, – this would be less painful for all involved.
Bryn rolled her eyes. – Fine. I’ll curb my snarky instincts.
– Thank you. – Merrick gave a wide grin. – It’s almost frightening when you’re reasonable.

Maybe if she thought of it like a fairy tale, it wouldn’t seem so bad.
The plain girl is transported to a magical realm where a handsome prince slays a dragon for her. No, wait. She was the dragon. Her life was the suckiest fairy tale ever.